I was very lonely

like you can only be in a city ruled by paranoia and ambition.

W is away, visiting R’s abandoned schoolhouse which looks like an Addams Family morgue.  It has a blue garden, where only blue flowers bloom.  I spent the day alone, eating popsicles.

I wanted to see a movie, and had no one to call, so I went alone, to see a film about the hypothetical practice of soul extraction.  Cold Souls.  I arrived too early, so I stood outside.  An old man walked up to me.  His skin was like wrinkled black linen.  He held out a paper cup.  He said, “You got a dollar?  I said “NO,” and resisted the urge to tell him all the reasons why...  in fact I did have a dollar, but it is from 1935 and W specifically asked me to keep it for him because it comes from a time when dollar notes were backed by the silver reserve.  So I didn’t give the homeless man the dollar.  He didn’t mind.  He said,

“Girl, I got to tell you, mmmmmhmm.  You are THICK!  You are as thick as a snicker bar.  You know what a snicker bar is?” 

I said, “Uh, thanks but I don’t want to talk about that right now.”  I smiled at him, slightly flattered, and walked quickly into the theater, and picked the best seat, right in the center of the house.  As I sat down, a man in front of me was talking about projectile vomiting.  Quietly, in my psychic voice, I said (I don’t want to think about that right now) and the man turned around and said,

“We are not alone anymore.”

It was Lou Reed.

(Oh, excuse me!  I admire your work very much.)  I thought.  And I said, “What was that about projectile vomiting?”  and Lou’s friend offered me some popcorn. 

“Why don’t you come have a seat with us?”  said Lou

and I climbed down one row to sit next to them.  It turns out Lou’s friend had recorded several albums in the same haunted studio where I recorded Parplar.   Meanwhile, still in the theater, I received an email from my personal Cherokee Shaman, Jezebel, who had finished reading my astrology chart.  And this is what it said:

“Your energy and drama and beauty and grace that you surround yourself with. Your over analitical critical mind.

Where you are is where you come from. You've been dwelling in the house of abundant grace and material belongings just showered upon you. You have immaculate taste. You have so many planets crammed into the house of "I have," including those which indicate that it has been a theme for at least one other incarnation. You have a fiery dramatic powerhouse rising.

Where you're headed is another story. Your Saturn return will happen right when the planet crosses the threshold of your ascendent. Some say that Saturn returns as we finish paying off or using up our accrued karma - good or bad, then we start again. Usually around our 28th year - but I think Saturn's taking its time right now.

You already seem to be well in touch with the next phase in your soul's evolution. All that is occult draws you. Those places that most find dark draw you. Sex, death, inheritence, the house of other's belongings. This surrender calls you. This fusing into bliss into another being during sex, or fusion into the atmosphere in trance. The key to all of this, oddly enough is the society which you are involved in. Evolved beings, friends.

You will never have to worry about having enough. You are beautiful. You are right on track and I don't think I can tell you too much about yourself that you don't already know. The ride may get a little bumpy, oh in the next year or so, but you said that you already tore things down around you once so it shouldn't be a suprise to find yourself doing something entirely different, if that's what happens.

There is a lot of tension in your chart, its not as easy as I thought it was. Maybe sometimes your need for emotinal security keeps you from delving as deep as possible into the unknown. Oddly enough you are most vulnerable at home. And I am not sure what "home" I refer to. Your childhood home or the homes that you dwell in and create for yourself. You travel to stir things up - or wierd things happen when you travel.

The way you give love and the way you take love are at odds. But it is the way you give it, the aggressive tigeress that suprises everyone. You just seem to be sensual and sexy. I think that it is good that you tatooed be gentle on your arm.

Anyhow wierdo My eyes are drying out and I am getting hives from the radiation of this box.

I still am doing diddely. Laying in the sun by the river. Making soap. Stacking wood.”

When he discovered that I was a musician, Lou became distracted.  Perhaps he thought that I had followed him in there.  He is a New Yorker, after all.  But I told him about a garden in the East Village where you can pet the carp in the pond, just like in Japan, and I hope that he finds it someday, and remembers the day he met Larkin Grimm, and realizes that it was loneliness and the magic of the universe, not blind ambition, that brought us all there.